What's the matter? What's wrong?

Hey everyone, here's another lesson about English usage. Do you know the difference in feeling between:

What's the matter?

and

What's wrong?

They are both really close in meaning. When you see someone who looks a bit angry, sad, crying, etc. you'd probably ask them:

What's wrong? is used when there is something obviously wrong with someone. They are showing signs of a big emotional problem, like crying, screaming, shouting, punching, kicking, etc.

A: waaah, sniff , sniff, waah (crying sounds)

B:Oh, what's wrong little girl?

A: I can't find my Mommy.

B: Do you know your phone number? You can call home on my cell.

As you can see in this example, the girl is crying so "What's wrong?" sounds more natural. "What's the matter?" would be more polite but he's talking to a child so it isn't really necessary.

Don: Damn! Stupid piece of crap!!! (hits his keyboard)

Paul: Hey Don, calm down. What's wrong?

Don: My stupid computer froze AGAIN. I hate windows!!

There's an obvious problem and Don and Paul are friends so, "What's wrong?" sounds better.

"What's the matter?" is more flexible and also more polite. You can use it when someone is crying, screaming, angry, etc. AND when they are simply quiet or don't seem like themselves.

A: You're quiet today. What's the matter?

B: I just got dumped~!

A: Oh, your boyfriend broke up with you? He's a jerk!

So, there was no obvious sign of anything wrong she was just quieter than usual. In the case, it's more natural to me to say "What's the matter?".

I think "What's the matter?" because it is more polite and less direct makes it softer and so more flexible, maybe even kinder. "What's wrong?" is a bit too direct to use with strangers.

A: waah waah sniff sniff waaaah (crying)

B: What's the matter?

A: I lost my cat.

B: It's ok, I'm sure it will come back. Do you want me to help you find it?

A and B don't really seem to know each so "What's the matter?" sounds a bit better.

I hope you enjoyed this lesson, have a good week,

Phil